Maybe

it's not safe to wear my heart on my sleeve yet

Oh crap

Flip Reverse

I realized the difference

between this and everything that's come before.

I've known all along that this was special

but it's kinda awesome

to know why.

Ultimately it comes down to this:

Whereas before I couldn't imagine my life without someone, I was afraid to minus them out after the fact.

Now, this time, even without full commitment, I know I have to have him in my life. I have to make him a part of my life. I have to plus him in.

It's that which makes this so very ridiculously special.

With Love, Beau xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Charming

This photo

Is from the day of my grand return.

He scarfed his gift down

Inelegantly

Childishly

Hungrily.

In short in the opposite way to how he does anything else.

I lahved it.

Ah memories.

With love, Beau xx

- Posted using BlogPress

Nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

D Day

surprisingly easy it turns out.

I guess my boy missed me just as much

as I missed him

he just expresses it differently.

That quote most definitely applies.

With Love, Beau xx

Two words

Two words

'take care xx'

and my heart crumbles a little bit more.

I wonder

if he realises

that I have taken more risks

than could ever be logical. Or safe.

With Love, Beau xx

Childish games

When the games we've been playing

involve the mind more than the soul

involve the negative more than the positive

then we destroy each other.

I wish we'd play games

for fun

instead.

Because we have that together: fun in enormous quantities.

(copyright: Francesca Russell)

I even do cartwheels.

With Love, Beau xx

Problem No. 1

Our biggest problem is that

G

simply isn't used to

me.

Or at least he cannot

deal with the way

I lose my mind

get properly pissed off

and say things I don't mean.

It's an awful habit

but you have to get it

to love moi.

And that's why he doesn't love me. Yet* (*I hope)

We've said goodbye before. So I'll be ok. Right? RIGHT?

(This picture reminds me of all the reasons why I love him)

Trying not to die inside a little each day

but my normally forceful hope

is shaky.

With Love, Beau xx

Fresco

Things have changed. I've changed. That's why I'm back.

Beau & Bub ended (officially) in Deciembre. Though we died inside long before that. I became me for the first time in a long time. I was a happy girl. But then I did the dumb thing.

I fell in love again.

This guy isn't new. Not in the slightest. In fact on here you know him as G. But I saw him through single eyes as a grown up and bam. Love. Truly. Crazily. In a kinda....permanent...way.

Then all this: went traveling, we went to fast, talked everyday, came home - early, got collected, slept, lay, fell more, money is valuable, fell again, it got hard, missing him, priorities, a talk, desperation, clinginess, I said I wanted to be alone - lie, I cried, a lot, fell more as I appreciated the amount of pain, asked for him back, kinda, invited him over.

So I see him. Tuesday. God knows what will happen. I've never felt this way before. I am terrified. We will see.

With Love, Beau xx