Lesson learnt

The best kind of love

isn't that which flares and burns in the night sky

with flashes so strong it uplifts you

but burns you too.

No the best kind

or so I've learnt in these last few months
is that which is silent and subtle
glowing in the background of every moment.

I've had the first kind and it hurt.

The second kind doesn't
because while it's not perfect
it comes from tenderness and care and adoration and appreciation
not from the quick desires of the human form.

This kind of love is precious
and that is why I'm holding on to it.

With love, Beau x x

The problem

is that I feel secure, content, loved, special

but also gone

because I am

and I miss him.

That isn't to say this is impossible

I can't do it

or I'm going to give up in any way.

It's just to say that I do.

With love, Beau x x 

I hope the way I feel lasts forever.

Possibility

There's a chance

maybe

that this is all in my head.

That when I see a problem

he sees, well, nothing.

Paranoid android much?

And the kicker is

I'm then stressed 

about this imaginary hatred

he is feeling for me

and taking it out on him

usually in my head

as he sleeps next to me.

And now I've realised

that that's just silly.

I love him, and that's why I'm still here.

He loves me, and that's why he's still here.

It really is

as simple as that.

With love, Beau xx 

The precipice

I can see it

I can see the end

I can see the edge

I'm falling over it

And you're not stopping me.

For a moment it feels

as though

(as I'm wrapped in caring arms)

that you don't want to see my end.

But that stops

because I'm still scared

that you'll be gone

come morning sun.

I don't know when I'll feel ok again.

With love, Beau xx

He is the place

that I run away to

and yearn for

and daydream about.

I'm strong

I am

but I need to be weak

when I am there.

Because I'm only being honest

if I show my weakness too. 

But honesty, weakness, vulnerability

that's a terrifying thing...

and now I've really taken the risk.

With love, Beau xx

Call

Tonight

you didn't make me feel better.

Tonight

you made me worry more.

Tonight

you made me feel guilty

for having feelings at all.

With love, Beau xx