This is the thing

This is where my heart can't take over.

In my head

I should not be inserting you into my dreams

you said never

and I believed

but I can't help but picture

you & me.

With Love, Beau xx

Un amour

And suddenly

there comes a gust of wind

and the foundation shifts.

It is a smile

that has reinvented all this.

That has reminded me

who me

used to be.

and I am new again

and that is a confusing

upsetting

devastating

exciting

thrilling

hopeful

fateful

thing.

What is this?

With love, Beau xx

Nowadays

My heart is melting bit by bit,

he's got me in a little twist.

I smile every day.

With Love, Beau xx

Hello

And now I am like this

I can say

the things I've been meaning to

the truth, or at least underlying shadows

of us.

For instance

that you hurt me, occasionally,

and that that emphasises the fact, in my mind,

that I am not good enough.

And that, sometimes, I wonder

if you know who I am

because I always act happy for you

because that is what I feel I need to do.

But then I remember the times I've been honest about the past

about my heart

how despite the scars

you said

I love you

before I knew it to be true.

And I realise that it's more that I need

reassurance

from you, rather than that the foundation isn't there.

With Love, Beau xx

Are these cliched terms conveying correctly?

Because occasionally I worry that they seem false, fake, immature

Which is the opposite of what they are.

Fairy stories

Once upon a time

I mentioned forever

or almost forever at any rate.

I have never regretted saying anything more.

Because although we're not there yet

I'm looking at this rationally

through a grown up's eyes

(because supposedly we are both grown up's)

and seeing that this risk, hurt, complication

would not be worth it if that wasn't a possibility.

So no I'm not planning for it

I'm not resting on it

and I'm certainly not going to force it.

But I have no intention of going anywhere

and I kinda like you.

With Love, Beau xx

I tried my best to never let you in

We are different

because we were entirely an accident.

For once,

the first time

in a long time

love was the last thing I wanted.

And then you came.

And you made me fall

because of who you are

not because of what I hunted.

It is you that I am in love with

and for that reason

this, us, we are real.

(But in all honesty I think you know that because it courses through every moment I spend with you)

I can't deny this anymore.

We wouldn't be trying this if it wasn't true.

With love, Beau xx

Corazon

My definition of home has suddenly

and unexpectedly

changed.

No it's not what you think

or rather it's not where I now reside.

It's a place that moves

a place that grounds me

a place that is a person.

Because isn't home meant to be where you feel safest?

Here's the kicker

I feel safest with him

With love, Beau xx