Preventative Measures

I should not keep restricting

the things that slip out

of my mouth

around you.

The thing is 

I never tell you quite how bad

I really feel

like tonight how I've cried, through the night.

When you hurt me, albeit inadvertently

I hide it away in a locker inside my heart

(admittedly easier to do when we're apart).

I am afraid, you see

of you leaving me

to an irrational degree.

And so in that locker

everything gets stacked together

until eventually I express it

ineloquently

horribly

hurtfully.

The thing is I've done this before

and destroyed myself in the process

and you don't really know how bad my head

has been.

And that fear comes from forces far beyond insecurity

and those forces should no longer define me.

So why do they? And why can't I simply believe

that you actually love me?

With love, Beau xx