Renew

The crushing disappointment

reminds me that I wasn't wasting my time.

The overwhelming hope joy

reminds me that I have received so much from life. 

With love, Beau xx

Daydreaming

Dreaming in general
has become a dangerous pursuit,

I don't dare to want the things I do
so my subconscious does it for me.

With love, Beau xx

Shutdown

Here's a plea to every person out there

who is confused, or lonely, or emotional;

being second/third/tenth best

never feels ok

no matter how much you want it to

to achieve the outcome that you daydream about

so don't ever let yourself be it. 

Ever. 

You will get hurt,

there will be a reminder 

a photo or a comment 

and suddenly every emotion that you've suppressed

will come flooding back

when you last need it to. 

With love, Beau xx

I want

I want to be the girl you call when you have a bad day

I want to call you when I have too

you make me laugh and I think I do the same

so if any equation seems perfectly solved

it is surely this one?

How frustrating, then, that it isn't

and I can't just come out and tell you 

boldly, directly, as I do with every thing else

that that is what I want.

(I suppose it could be that I want
never seems to get)

With love, Beau xx

For better

So here it is then

the moment that I had dreaded

for so long

for I am on my own

for better or worse

in the cold north...

...how strange it is then

that I feel so content.

The sudden realisation that I have been 

putting off an event 

that actually had little effect

is almost irritating.

By the way,

I am partly putting this down

to the sheer number of smiles

you have put on my face

of late.

For better or worse?

For better,

for much, much better. 

With love, Beau xx

'Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again'

There's a reason I keep up this bad habit.

At least we both find it amusing

how laughably fallen for you I am.

At this stage,

you could do anything and

I would still

come running back.

At that I sound awful and lost and useless

but I keep doing it with the vague

unending hope that something good

will come from it.

With love, Beau xx

Instant

Just for a moment

I kid myself

that there is some innate element of this

that is special, unique, important

'meant to be'

And then you remind me

through my membership of your

exclusive club

that there is no love story here.

That I can fall for you

over and again

looking into your eyes

and seeing someone who I care for

so much.

That everytime

I will get hurt

I will fall on my face

because you have never fallen for

me.

My biggest death

when my heart drops

and my mouth goes dry

with panic

is when I realise you've fallen for someone

else instead.

Ouch.

I will fall for you, again.

With love, Beau xx