All I know...

All I know 

is that I'm hurting

and it's because of you. 

Secrets

So here are the last 

little secrets that I have held from you

close to my heart

the last that eat away at 

my flesh 

as I act strong 

strong for you.

I didn't book my escape 

to some far off place 

because I still thought 

like a little fool

that you would take me with you.

I thought you'd want to 

include

me in your life again.

How wrong and naive to think 

- that -

after all this.

P.S. I still get butterflies before I see you

and when I, once again, fail

to read your feelings

I blame them for clouding my vision.

With love, Beau xx 

Do you know how easily my tears fall

When I act like I love you

Remind you that I do

And yet you don't love me at all? 

Maybe I've always had you wrong 

maybe the only thing I've lost 

is an imagined someone. 

The problem is

I can't cry 

in the rain

for anyone else.

I can't feel

safe in their arms.

I can't reveal

the depths of my depravity.

I can't tell

them these depths of darkness

that I reach.

I can't giggle

like a child

around them.

I've tried

Oh I've tried

To the best of my ability

So that when they ask

I say that I am fine

and this hubris of mine

is me.

But.

No love will ever achieve 

the deep tenacity of ours

which reaches our souls

and burns our hearts with fire

each time we consider the

terrible deeds we have 

subjected it too.

It may be fragile but it is a love so enduring

I cannot let it go.

"You hold all the tickets, I hold all the fines"

With love,

Beau xx